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You are here: Home / Christian Living / The Power Of The Tongue: How To Keep Yourself From Saying Something You’ll Regret
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The Power Of The Tongue: How To Keep Yourself From Saying Something You’ll Regret

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The respected author, Gordon MacDonald, tells how a rebuke from a friend saved him—thousands of times over—from hurting others and making a fool of himself. He was in Japan on (ironically) a speaking tour with a close personal friend of his, a man several years his senior. As he and his friend were walking down a street in Yokohama, the name of one of their mutual friends came up. And Gordon said something unkind about the person: “It was sarcastic. It was cynical. It was a put-down,” he recalls.

His friend stopped immediately and put his face right in front of Gordon’s and said, “Gordon, a man who says he loves God would not say a thing like that about a friend.” In the midst of a speaking tour about God, he had used ungodly words to belittle another person.

“My friend could have put a knife into my ribs, and the pain would not have been any less,” Gordon wrote later. “But you know something? There have been ten thousand times in the last 20 years that I have been saved from making a jerk of myself. When I’ve been tempted to say something unkind about a brother or sister, I hear my friend’s voice say, ‘Gordon, a man who says he loves God would not speak in such a way about a friend.’”1

There must have been a good reason for the origin of this saying—“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me”—but here I have to disagree! Some think the saying arose during the days of slavery in the Deep South, when slaves would remind themselves that it was only the master’s beatings that really hurt. Otherwise, it didn’t matter what he said about them. I see the point—but I challenge the idea anyway: Words can hurt as much, if not more, than “sticks and stones.”

Think what would have happened to Gordon MacDonald’s relationship with the person he spoke ill of if Gordon’s unkind words had made it back to the person! Think how Gordon’s reputation would have been hurt as well. And think about your own experience. Every single person who will read this article has been hurt by someone else’s words. And sad to say, each of us has probably been guilty of speaking hurtful words as well.

Angry Birds, Angry Words

 Yes, it’s a cartoon that we say we don’t take seriously. But when the timbers and stones come crashing down on the pigs in “Angry Birds,” there’s pain implied. Seeing the implied pain of “sticks and stones” and hearing painful words spoken in films and television shows—without feeling that pain ourselves—desensitizes us just a little bit more to the reality of pain regardless of the cause.

In real life there’s no director who yells “Cut!” at the end of a scene and erases the seriousness of painful words just spoken by actors. In real life, the words hurt and the pain lingers. And once the words are spoken, there’s no getting them back.

The story is told of a monk who was training a young candidate. He told the young man to take a bag of feathers and go around the village and leave a feather on every doorstep, which the young man did. The next day, the monk told the young candidate to take his empty sack and retrieve all the feathers he had left on the doorsteps. Shocked at these instructions, the young man said, “But that’s impossible! The wind will have scattered the feathers far and wide. I will never be able to find them.”

“You’re right,” the monk said. “Understand that your words are like those feathers. Once released, they are impossible to bring back. So be careful when you speak.”

Let us not be desensitized and careless about the words we speak—especially when the emotion of anger wells up from within. It is no wonder that the apostle James combined “slow to speak” and “slow to wrath” in the same verse (James 1:19).

Portraying the Tongue

 Fortunately, there is no shortage of guidance in Scripture about the power of words. And nobody summarized the danger of the tongue better than the apostle James (James 3:1-12).

Accountability. James warns teachers to be careful what they say because there is judgment involved (James 3:1). But that’s also true for everyone. Jesus said that we will be held accountable for “every idle word” we speak (Matthew 12:36)—meaning the words we speak without thinking and the words we think are innocent. The most casual, thoughtless words can sometimes hurt the most. Proverbs 10:19 says that “he who restrains his lips is wise” because “in the multitude of words sin is not lacking.” It’s just a matter of math: the more words a person with a fallen nature speaks, the greater the likelihood that some of them will be regrettable.

Disproportionality. That’s a big word to express a simple idea: The size of the tongue, or the size of a few simple words, are in stark contrast to the size of the trouble caused (James 3:3-6). A small bit can guide a horse and a rudder can turn a giant ship. And a small word can shape the entire course of a person’s life. How often do we hear reports of a politician or celebrity being caught near a “hot mic”—a microphone they had just used to deliver an inspiring speech, a mic which they thought had been turned off. Some distasteful or derogatory comment is captured by the microphone and gets broadcast to the whole world via the Internet. All the good accomplished in the speech is undone by the unguarded word(s). But there is a positive side of disproportionality too. Just as a single unkind or unguarded word can hurt, a single kind or complimentary word can heal. Disproportionality works both ways.

Wildness. The tongue is not like the sweet kitty or puppy that greets you when you walk through the door. The tongue is like a saber-tooth tiger from the Pleistocene era or a ravenous wolf from the steppes of Siberia (James 3:7-8). Man has succeeded in taming some of the wildest creatures on earth, but has failed miserably when it comes to taming the tongue. Evidence? How many times have you thought, “I wish I’d never said that!”? There’s the proof—the tongue does what it wants and must be kept on a short leash.

Consistency. Remember what Gordon MacDonald’s friend said to him? “A man who says he loves God would not say a thing like that about a friend.” For a man or woman of God to speak in an ungodly way is inconsistent at best and hypocritical at worst. James says that blessings and curses should not come from the same mouth any more than salt water and fresh water can come from the same spring (James 3:9-12).

James also says: Remember you are accountable; remember what words are capable of; remember how wild words are; remember that curses can cancel out blessings.

Protecting the Tongue

 There is only one way to protect the tongue: Protect the heart. Proverbs 4:23 calls the heart the “wellspring of life” (NIV 1984). Jesus said that all the things that defile a person spring from the person’s heart including verbal sins like slander—speaking ill of someone (Mark 7:20-23). We can polish our exterior all we want, but eventually the heart of a person will reveal what the person is really like. That was the problem Jesus had with the Pharisees. They looked great on the outside, but they were like nicely painted sepulchers full of dead men’s bones (Matthew 23:27). The mouth only speaks what the heart gives it to say. If you are tempted—especially in emotional or angry moments—to speak words that you later regret, ask God to search your heart and show you what’s really there (Psalm 139:23-24).

Yes, sticks and stones can break a person’s bones. So we want to avoid those at all costs. But it is not true that “words can never harm.” They can and will if we don’t allow the Spirit of Christ to guard our hearts. Purpose today to let the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be acceptable to God (Psalm 19:14).


1Gordon MacDonald, “Feeling As God Feels,” Preaching Today #196.

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A Whole Person

In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility.
Titus 2:7

In mathematics two of the basic kinds of numbers are integers and fractions: 2, 100, and 56 are integers, while ½, ¼, and 2.5 are fractions. Integers, from a Latin root meaning “whole” or “entire.” The word integrity comes from the same root; a person with integrity cannot be divided in beliefs or morality based on varying circumstances.

When the apostle Paul wrote to his young pastoral protégé, Timothy, he told him to show “integrity” in doctrine, to be incorruptible in belief and in actions. Paul wanted Timothy to hold fast to the truth of God, not allowing himself to be divided. A person of integrity obeys the whole counsel of God every day, in every circumstance. Daniel’s three friends in Babylon demonstrated integrity when they were threatened with being burned alive (Daniel 3:16-18). They told the king they would not divide their allegiance, that they would maintain their faith in God and His promises. That is integrity.

Are you a whole person or a fractioned person today? If your beliefs, and therefore your actions, have become divided, gather them back together as you commit to God and His Word.

Integrity of heart is indispensable.
John Calvin

Victory in Him

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:57

To first-century leaders in the Roman world, the imagery was familiar: A victorious Roman general returning from battle leading his soldiers and their captives into the city. Citizens lined the streets applauding while the aroma of celebratory incense filled the air. Paul uses that image to say that Christ leads His followers in a victory procession through every difficulty in life (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).

The Christian’s victory is through Christ. The victory over the world, the flesh, the devil, and sin was won by the Cross and the empty tomb. He did for us what we cannot do for ourselves. We have victory now and for eternity only because of the victory Christ won for us. Therefore, if we are to experience victory in this life, it will come only as we depend on Him. As Paul wrote in Galatians 2:20, the life we now live is the life of Christ in us as we keep our faith in Him.

If you need a victory in your life, begin every day by renewing your faith in Christ in whom all our victories are to be realized.

The spiritual battle, the loss of victory, is always in the thought-world.
Francis Schaeffer

New Earth

Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away.
Revelation 21:1

A great misconception carried by many Christians has to do with the location of heaven. The word heaven itself implies that our eternal destiny is somewhere “up there” in the heavens. But the Bible says our eternal destiny is earthly, not heavenly. As Peter wrote, we look for a “new earth in which righteousness dwells” (2 Peter 3:13).

In his vision of the future, the apostle John saw that “new heaven and a new earth,” our new domain being pictured as the New Jerusalem “coming down out of heaven from God” (Revelation 21:1-2). Somehow, at the end of the age, when Christ has returned to reign and inaugurate the eternal state, this earth will be renovated and a new earth will be the result—a new earth full of righteousness in which pain and sorrow will be absent. The beautiful imagery of the New Jerusalem in Revelation 21 lets us know that the new earth will be a place that reflects the glory of God throughout.

Jesus said He was going to prepare a place for you if you belong to Him (John 14:1-4). The New Jerusalem, on the new earth, is that place.

Let thy hope of heaven master thy fear of death.
William Gurnall

The Conspicuous Hand

The Lord your God cares.
Deuteronomy 11:12

In a letter to Brigadier General Thomas Nelson, George Washington marveled at how God’s hand had protected him and given success to the cause of liberty: “The hand of Providence has been so conspicuous in all this, that he must be worse than an infidel that lacks faith, and… has not gratitude enough to acknowledge his obligations.”

In the middle of life’s battles, we’re tempted to question God’s ordering of our circumstances, but every follower of Christ can look back and see the conspicuous hand of God’s Providence. He is committed to caring for us, watching over us, and giving us strength when we are within His will.

Moses reminded the Israelites that God was taking them into a land of hills and valleys, of water and streams, “a land for which the Lord your God cares; the eyes of the Lord your God are always on it, from the beginning of the year to the very end of the year” (Deuteronomy 11:11-12).

That’s the way He cares for us too—every day, all year long, always.

[The Lord] loves, and cares, and sympathizes, and understands, and seeks, and saves, and forgives, and helps, and encourages, and walks by our side… taking care of us in life when we can’t take care of ourselves.
W. A. Criswell

The Need for Prayer

Now it came to pass in those days that [Jesus] went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God.
Luke 6:12

Officially, church historians recognize seven ecumenical church councils held between A.D. 325 and A.D. 787. The first, the First Council of Nicaea, met to agree on the nature of Jesus of Nazareth as both Son of God and Son of Man, as both fully divine and fully human.

The humanity of Christ, while at the same time divine, is hard to understand. But thankfully, Scripture gives us illustrations: Like us, Jesus suffered, experienced hunger, required sleep, ate food, and had limits on His knowledge (Mark 13:32). One of the most striking and helpful illustrations of Jesus’ humanity was His prayer life. We might think that, if Jesus was truly divine, He would have had no need to pray for knowledge, guidance, or help. Yet He did, following the example of godly men like Daniel in Babylon (Daniel 2:16-18). Jesus repeatedly said that He only did what the Father showed Him to do (John 5:19), and prayer was His means.

If Jesus, the Son of God, needed to go to His Father in prayer for strengthening and guidance, how much more do we (Psalm 32:6)?

Prayer and a holy life are one.
E. M. Bounds

What Is Humility?

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
1 Peter 5:5, NIV

What is humility? Is it the opposite of pride? If pride expands one’s importance, does humility deflate one’s importance? That’s the view given by most English dictionaries—a deemphasis on one’s own importance. But what is the biblical view of humility

If someone compliments you on a job well done, do you refuse to take credit or receive their compliment? Or do you graciously say, “Thank you,” in a spirit of genuine appreciation and humility? In Romans 12:3 Paul exhorts the believers not to think of themselves pridefully but rather to think of themselves “soberly”—that is, realistically or accurately. Paul’s topic is the grace given by God to each Christian to serve in the Body of Christ. We should neither overestimate the gift of God’s grace or underestimate it. Rather, we should think of it soberly and realistically—humbly—and minister accordingly. To think less of God’s gift would be to devalue it; to think realistically about it allows one to serve humbly.

How do you view yourself? With pride? With false humility? Or soberly and realistically according to the grace of God in your life?

A really humble man…will not be thinking about humility, he will not be thinking about himself at all.
C. S. Lewis

The Power of Confession

For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer.
Psalm 32:4

California is a dry state that needs water to be transported over many miles to population and agricultural centers. Snowfall in the winter and melting snow in the spring are critical factors in replenishing shrinking reservoirs. In periods of modern droughts, aerial photographs document the receding water levels in reservoirs around the state—shorelines growing wider and drier as water levels fall.

Such is the picture David paints with his words in Psalm 32—a drought of spiritual vitality brought on by his own sin. When he failed to confess his sin to God, his “bones grew old” and he groaned “all the day long” (verse 3). It was like his soul was being evaporated by the heat of his own guilt and shame. But then the rains of grace came and David confessed his sin and God forgave him (verse 5). And he encouraged his readers not to make the same mistake he had made (verses 9-10).

Confession and repentance reveal the access to restoration. Hiding sin does not remove it from God’s sight; but when we seek God’s forgiveness, the refreshing living water from the Father is poured out on us and we are restored—that is the power of confession.

The way to cover our sin is to uncover it by confession.
Richard Sibbes

Treasure!

I rejoice at Your Word as one who finds great treasure.
Psalm 119:162

Earlier this year, a volunteer for a charity in Arizona was going through books donated for a sale. One was an old copy of The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. The volunteer decided the dilapidated volume wasn’t worth saving and was about to throw it away when she thumbed through it and found a hidden chamber. Someone had used a knife to cut a hole in the middle of the book. Inside was $4,000!

That’s nothing compared to the treasure you’ll find when opening the covers of the Bible. Perhaps it would help to think of it in those terms. Use your imagination to see every word of Scripture turning to gold as you read it. Think of every promise as a precious stone. See the words about Jesus in the Gospels as sparkling like diamonds. Visualize your daily Bible study time like a miser running his hands through a chest of gold.

The treasury of Scripture will enrich your mind, refocus your goals, replace your doubts, and redirect your path—but only if you read it and heed it. Start today!

To get the best use out of [the Bible] for daily life,…Give it the best and freshest, not the most tired and dull, hour of the day.
M. S. Kimber in The Sunday School World, 1893

Hello Heaven!

I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside.
2 Peter 1:13-14, NIV

Peter wrote his final letter shortly before his execution. He wasn’t discouraged; he was looking forward to the future. He spoke of “looking forward to these things.” and “[looking] for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells” (2 Peter 3:13-14).

Life is full of hardships and heaviness. We have the promises of God to help us in difficult days, and we have the Holy Spirit within us. We have a purpose for being here—to refresh the memory of others regarding the things of the Lord. But we’ll soon put aside the tent of our earthly body, and what a relief! Goodbye hardship and heaviness. Goodbye trials and troubles. Hello Jesus! Hello heaven! Hello golden streets, glorified bodies, endless days, and the fresh air of New Jerusalem!

During difficult times, the hope of eternity gives us strength. If you’re prone to worry yourself to sleep each night, turn your thoughts upward and close your eyes thinking of heaven and its eternal throne.

A tent or a cottage, why should I care? They’re building a palace for me over there.
Harriet Buell, in her hymn “A Child of the King”

Overcoming Temptation

Temptation. Whether we realize it or not, it is part of our past, and it will be part of our future. The moment we resolve to stand strong and walk away is when temptation grows most intense. That is why Scripture is of paramount importance. God’s Word contains the answer to resisting temptation before it’s too late. Consider these verses:

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full–grown, brings forth death (James 1:13–15).

Some people wonder about the value of the Old Testament in a Christian’s life. The apostle Paul addressed that question in 1 Corinthians 10:11—”Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition.” To what things was Paul referring? He listed them in verses 7–10. They are idolatry, immorality, infidelity, and disloyalty.

Temptation is not sin; yielding to temptation is.

With that background, Paul exhorted believers not to make the same choices the Israelites made—not to provoke God’s discipline by willfully sinning. None of us is above God’s discipline if we engage in sin. We must look for and take “the way of escape” God provides in every situation where temptation is found (verse 13). To think our temptation is unique is to believe a lie. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man” (verse 13). There are no “new” temptations in life.

The apostle James argued that if temptation becomes serious, it is because we have allowed it to do so. Our own “desires” entice us away from God and desire “gives birth to sin” (James 1:13–15). God doesn’t tempt us, but He may allow temptation to enter our lives in order to give us opportunities to make obedient and mature choices.

Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness, and He took the same means of escape that is available to us—obedience to God’s Word (Matthew 4:1–11; Hebrews 5:8). Temptation is not sin; yielding to temptation is. There is always a righteous choice to be made if we are willing to seek it.

Ready and Willing

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:9

A leper approached Jesus and said, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” Jesus touched the man, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed”—and he was healed (Mark 1:40-42).

That event is a beautiful example of the willingness of God. In fact, there are no instances of Jesus being asked to help or heal and Him answering, “I am not willing.” There is a place where the Bible says God is “not willing,” and that is 2 Peter 3:9. In writing about the timing of the Day of the Lord (the end of the age), Peter says God is waiting for all who will be saved to come to Him. He is “not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” Said another way, God is willing for any who want to be saved to come to Him (John 6:37; 7:37). The question is never whether God is willing but whether man is willing.

Have you responded to God’s willing invitation to come to Him?

God is far more willing to save sinners than sinners are to be saved.
J. C. Ryle

Steadfast

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:58

Paul’s letter to the people at Corinth was an exhortation to remain steadfast. The church in Corinth was an undisciplined church, and he was letting them know that even though the culture around them was in flux, their faith in Jesus Christ needed to remain focused and sure. It is true for us today also. How can we remain steadfast in our faith and avoid the pressures of this ever-changing world? By devoting time each day to the study of God’s Word.

As we read the Bible and immerse ourselves in God’s truth and character, our lives are changed—we become more like Him. God’s Word is a powerful litmus test for our souls and actions. As our lives center on God, giving priority to hearing His voice and reading His Word, we become bolder in sharing our faith.

Joshua had the confidence and courage to lead God’s people into the Promised Land because He believed in God’s promise and presence. We serve the same God who said: “And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

You can place your steadfast trust in Him.

When we find a man meditating on the words of God, my friends, that man is full of boldness and is successful.
Dwight L. Moody

Creation Care

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Genesis 1:28

Marine litter is a huge ecological problem. Many countries’ coastlines are littered with plastic and debris, and there is an “island” of plastic more than the twice the size of Texas in the Pacific Ocean where currents have accumulated the debris. Fish become entangled in discarded fishing nets and lines, with bellies full of plastic debris they have swallowed.

Such images are in stark contrast to the pristine beauty and glory of Eden as presented in Genesis. Though mankind was given the mandate to “have dominion over” (that is, to care for) all of creation, we have not done a good job. When God’s mandates go unfulfilled on earth, God’s glory is diminished. And that mandate extends to our personal life as well. Paul writes that we belong to God and we are to glorify Him with our care and use of our body.

When you see opportunities to care for creation—nature or your own body—do so as a way of glorifying the Creator.

The creation is both a monument of God’s power, and a looking-glass in which we may see his wisdom.
Thomas Watson